>Of Tigers and Dwarves

29 Oct


[Another oldie. Since the jail one didn’t seem to quite hit its stride, I thought I would pull something out of my hat of a different vein.  Originally published November 11, 2009.]
I knew in that moment that I was done for. I felt it in that single, solitary instant like some cosmic blast from an unseen flamethrower…
“Who is he?” I asked.
“The big one? Or the little one?” She countered.
“The tall one that looks like Dopey…” I replied. “I want to meet him.”
Her eyes lit up with all the trouble-making tenacity that made her her. “Are you gonna bring him home?”
I chuckled. Bring him home, I did. And for years following, there was seldom a night that he wasn’t by my side.
We lived fast. We loved hard. We fucked harder, and partied the hardest of all. We dug our nails into each others flesh and held on for dear life as the angry tides that were the world around us tried like Hell to beat us down and tear us apart. We were having none of it. We were two warriors without the weapons needed, fighting a battle I think we both knew, in our hearts, that we were destined to ultimately lose. We were our own private Waterloo.
I can recall telling myself one night towards what would become The End:
“Remember this. It’s fading.”
And it already was. We were like a still-developing photograph exposed to harsh light. Our shadows were dissipating and washing out what was left. Gone – or going – all too soon for us to even cherish were our wanton ways and wild whims. I knew this. I saw it coming. I think he did too, but he refused it with all the bravado and fuck-you of the teenager that he still was.
Not surprisingly, it all came crashing down. A falling house of cards… Dominoes tumbling… Bubbles bursting… My realities and his recreations could no longer coexist within the same hearts. The hands that once held each other so close against the world now throttled the voices that once whispered forevers, hurled daggers so vicious that perhaps not even time could heal. The carousel had spun wildly out of control and thrown us both on our asses in vastly different directions.
The only thing left to do was walk away while there was still some semblance of something to walk away from. It was one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. But the fight for it was destroying it faster that anything else that could be done.
Bags were packed in virtual silence. A fairytale divided into cardboard boxes. Princes became Ogres. Apples became Poison. And suddenly, it was over. He was standing on the front porch, his ride waiting… And the last thing he ever said to me:
“I always loved you.”
And my heart shattered into dust. I didn’t say a word. I didn’t dare.
He turned away.
I shut the door.
I’ve never wept so completely. Never known the meaning of mourning as I did in that moment.
Never before.
Never since.
Never again.

17 Responses to “>Of Tigers and Dwarves”

  1. Pat Tillett October 29, 2010 at 1:20 am #

    >Wow! That was damn powerful! frustrating, angry, scary, and sad… Great poem Micael!

  2. The Empress October 29, 2010 at 3:15 am #

    >Very haunting and emotionally raw…

  3. Mynx October 29, 2010 at 3:37 am #

    >I dont think I have ever loved like that. It seems both wonderful and frightening. Brilliant post. Hopefully happy memories remain

  4. Ca88andra October 29, 2010 at 5:00 am #

    >"my heart shattered into dust" – I like this line, in fact I know this line!

  5. Lynne H. October 29, 2010 at 5:04 am #

    >*le sigh*what you have done here is recapture a moment in time that ran from A to B..the love, the intensity, the aftermath… very well written..and I for one know about a heart shattering to dust..i still sweep up remnants of mine..thank you for sharing something so personal…

  6. Uninspired Blogger October 29, 2010 at 8:48 am #

    >that was….. i'm speechless and i have goosebumps all over…that's all i can say.

  7. The Absence of Alternatives October 29, 2010 at 9:06 am #

    >I dare not speak for fear of ruining the magic that is your words. I don't know how anybody that could write this "We were our own private Waterloo" can not get published some day. Write on, Rabbit!

  8. Georgina Dollface October 29, 2010 at 9:12 am #

    >This broke my heart the first time I read it. You really are one of the most gifted writers I've ever known. – G

  9. Kate October 29, 2010 at 9:14 am #

    >Upon finishing this my heart broke a little. Such passion and strong emotion so beautifully conveyed. I think you're amazing.Kate x

  10. Laugh. It's Life in Progress October 29, 2010 at 9:34 am #

    >absolutely heart wrenching and beautiful!

  11. Toni October 29, 2010 at 10:02 am #

    >This was amazing. So powerful yet so simple. It made me want to cry. I love it.

  12. Marlene October 29, 2010 at 12:24 pm #

    >So sad…. and written as though only one who has experienced it could express it so well.

  13. FreeFlying October 29, 2010 at 12:53 pm #

    >Why is love always so heartbreaking?

  14. becca October 29, 2010 at 2:57 pm #

    >omg you just reached in and ripped my heart out with those words. so powerfully charged with emotion.you are vastly becoming an addiction to me i can't wait to read your next post.

  15. holly October 30, 2010 at 8:33 am #

    >i am most impressed when writers can convey and invoke powerful emotion in few words. you can do that. you impress me.

  16. Raven of the Green Mountains October 30, 2010 at 2:24 pm #

    >I have been there on that front porch myself. Once again my dear friend….amazing.

  17. Mrs. Hyde November 1, 2010 at 11:27 pm #

    >"Princes became ogres. Apples became poison." One day I hope to write as beautifully as you.

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