Archive | November, 2010

>A Leap Year

30 Nov


“Sometimes the only available transportation is a leap of faith.  So jump.”

I’ve been on this strange path of discovery lately.  This year has been so surreal that it’s almost beyond words.  (Note I said ‘almost’ because I am the queen of the ramble.)  From early in the year planning on moving back to New Orleans. To almost dying. To a month long hospital stay. To back home to heal (and live with my mother at 34 years old). It has afforded me many opportunities though that I might not have had otherwise.  It’s caused me to pause for once.  To take a deep breath and observe rather than running headlong and full force into a life I wasn’t really living.
The anniversary of my being cleaned came and went not long ago and it really struck me.  Then I couldn’t get through a day without getting fucked up…  If I wasn’t high, I didn’t want to exist.  Now I can’t imagine what it would be like again.  I have finally grown past the missing it phase.  It still comes and goes, I am not going to lie. But I don’t look back fondly any more at the “good old days.”  I almost allow myself to believe that the good old days are yet to come.  Even though they almost didn’t.  Thanksgiving was weird because it, too, almost wasn’t.  Had things gone differently this summer, I would haven’t had another Thanksgiving…
I am in a state of flux.  Transitioning.  I finished Art Swap.  I finished my 6th novel (my 5th for NaNoWriMo).  I am finally toying with the idea of doing something with them at last.  They do no good sitting in a box in a storage building.  Perhaps, one day, something will come of it.  I’m writing much more poetry these days.  More reflective.  More observational.  Resolutions and revelations.  It feels good.  It’s cathartic.  That, too, will hopefully be published soon.  I have someone interested.  Interested enough to keep hounding me about it.  Which is good.  Maybe I won’t self sabotage this one and crumble like I usually do.  I am planning on calling the (poetry) book November’s Monster, inspired by the old Morrissey song November Spawned a Monster.  Go give it a listen, I think you’ll understand.
Much painting and drawing and creating finally coming back as well.  Just about every holiday gift this year I am making – be it paintings or fashions or decorations.  It’s all a Rabbit original.  It’s time.  
So if the blog suffers, forgive me.  It’s just not where I am at right now.  I struggle to keep up with it; to make it worthwhile, so I’d rather pull back while it’s still good that have it jump shark and you all head for the hills.
But, I’ll be around….   I’m just a little busy jumping at the moment.