WWRS? : Resentment?

30 Aug

Inquiring minds want to know (via above link What Would Rabbit Say?):

Do you know who you got the AIDS from? Do you feel resentful towards this person?


I am resentful.

I am almost 100% positive I got it from my own drug use.

I used to be a needle junkie in the worst way and didn’t care where or from whom I got it. I just got it. And look what it got me.

It was really the only situations where I allowed myself the opportunity to become infected.

There are select other incidents, but in my heart I could almost guarantee it came from the dirty needles…

So yes, there is some resentment there – toward myself.

[UPDATE: Please see the follow-up comment below.]

13 Responses to “WWRS? : Resentment?”

  1. ~L August 30, 2010 at 4:29 pm #

    grrrr! resentment be gone! (have you tried throwing said resentment behind your bed?)

  2. Nydia August 30, 2010 at 4:36 pm #

    Putz… I had the feeling it was from needles… I know it's useless telling you not to feel resentments, but I think it will be gone some day, since it will not help you anyway. But this is just naive me saying so. Just do try to kep your chin up somehow.


  3. MicaelChadwick.com August 30, 2010 at 4:43 pm #

    I think I should rephase in saying that I resent that I put myself in and allowed that whole part of my life. But hindsight is 20/20, and really, in many ways, it kept me alive through that period… So who's to say? I resent that weakness spiritually in me then that has thusly caused this weakness in me physically now. But I don't dwell on it. The cause of the AIDS, that is. It's something that I did that results in something I am dealing with. Nothing more than cause and effect. I can't change it. I can just trdge on the best I know how and (try to) hope for the best of all possible outcomes at this point.

    (Did ANY of that make ANY sense?)

  4. Nariane August 30, 2010 at 5:28 pm #

    It is what it is… no more, no less
    Hindsight and self-beating are inevidable but solve nothing.

    I read your rant. I hear you, but I can't (and won't) say “I understand”. I don't. I can't. What I can say, for what it's worth – you are alive. You're fighting a battle that too many people I know have already lost. Please don't give up.

    Now go get those meds from behind the bed – Take them.

  5. G.D. August 30, 2010 at 6:35 pm #

    What can I say that isn't going to sound trite? Today is today. That's all there is. Without a past, there is no such thing as going forward. – G

  6. Cinderita August 30, 2010 at 7:49 pm #

    I am thrilled to have come across your blog. I am finding the deeper I go into the blog world, the more amazing people I find. thank you!


  7. Ashley King August 30, 2010 at 8:04 pm #

    how very brave of you to get on here with this…. your bravery, your honesty, is something i respect very much so!!!! we could spend F.O.R.E.V.E.R beating ourselves up for making the decisions we have made…. you have a truly admirable soul…. so very optimistic…. of course, as always, i wish you nothing but the very best! hugs to you, dear friend!!

  8. Hills August 31, 2010 at 7:42 am #

    And here we have yet anothetr item to add to the “Why Rabbit Rocks My House” list:

    Honesty and accountability.

    Theres no need to beat yourself up – what's happened is done – but I don't really think one can deal with an effect without acknowledging the true cause (end hopefully learning a thing or two), even if the cause is oneself.

    You really are impressive, Rabbit.

    Glad, as ever, that I found you.

    – B x

  9. Marlene August 31, 2010 at 7:06 pm #

    Late to the party today….but I'm going to echo what everyone else said. Don't beat yourself up. Hindsight IS 20/20. I look back at SO MANY mistakes I've made in my life, too, and wish I hadn't made them….or wish the outcomes had been different.

    What's done is done…..live in the present. ♠

  10. Nydia August 31, 2010 at 10:25 pm #

    It makes all the sense. I'm happy you're here after all this, fighting and living an day at a time.


  11. Anonymous September 2, 2010 at 5:25 pm #

    yes, wut you have writen makes perfect sence. its not an easy pill to swallow,” no pun intended” but i think that you are going threw this the best way possible, being rational. im very proud of you. i was kinda worried that the writing was going to be code 😉 but you came out in the open exposing the truth and owning up too it. difficult but inspiring! you make me feel proud too know you somehow?! keep on doing wut you do best bb survive! thanks for making my day brighter! love ya, Shanun A.

  12. Pat Tillett September 3, 2010 at 7:23 pm #

    better to let it all out, than to keep it festering inside. You are doing a good job coping, it's not easy, I'm sure…

    This is one instance where I must say I'm glad I'm an old “geezer” and my days were a long long time ago…(if you catch my drift)

  13. The Absence of Alternatives September 6, 2010 at 11:38 pm #

    Virgin here ( from the Barreness…) I am going to sound like an old fart for saying “Bless your heart” but that's the first thing that came to mind. This really is neither here nor there but I would have felt resentment if I were in a situation like this. I won't lie. I would. Who wouldn't? Mother Fucking Teresa? I mean, we get mad at our coworkers for giving us a fucking cold! I also believe that being able to confront the truth, the 100% honesty, is the only way to get past it. (I assume FUCK is allowed here since The Barreness LURVS you. If not, my apology…)

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