…and counting.

27 Jun

Thank you to everyone for all the bithday wishes, calls, and gifts. It really was a heck of a day.

June tends to be a difficult month for me. Every year I try to face it head on and not let it get to me, but inevitably it does. This year, this month, I seem to have been the sounding board, go-to guy, toilet, shoulder to cry on, ear to bend, whatever you want to call it, for everyone’s every single complaint and injustice. There seems to have been a ton of negativity in everyone’s lives of late – and for whatever reason – I am the one that it’s been dumped on. I am sure I should feel flattered that everyone comes to me with every single little thing that goes wrong. But when dealing with my own demons, it gets to be a bit much hearing so constant bitching and whining and moaning and complaining…

So that is why I have been more than a little distant in recent weeks. My own complaints in my own head have been more than I can deal with and I just could not compound that with any more. I can’t make it all better. I can’t fix it. I, usually, can’t do much of anything about it. I’m drowning here, and you’re bitching about the rainwater.  I just can’t.

And somehow I felt selfish in (and perhaps jealous of?) that someone else’s bad day was not as bad as mine – especially when I rarely voice my own.

Anyway – I digress. I made it through another year. And that so many people noticed and celebrated it with me really helped to wash away the craptastic mania that this month tends to be. So thank you. I am surround by so much new art – and new art supplies – and inspirations – and ideas, and most importantly, the love of my friends and family. In the end, that’s what matters.  It was a good birthday and many of you made it that way.  So thank you again.

But I realized yesterday, I’ve checked out. I don’t know that I am checking back IN yet. But I am at least acknowledging the out process and reveling in the celebration of my day.

For now.

I don’t blog often any more, because I don’t often have a lot to say – and because I have become so aware of how damaging others complainings are to me, personally, I don’t want this to be a place of spreading negativity. It makes me think of the quote, “be there for others, but don’t leave yourself behind.”  I’ve been left behind by myself in the cloud of dust that is the storm of the crazymaker by no one but myself.  So the fate of the blog – and my whole online persona, in and of itself, is precarious at best at this point.

Sometimes letting go IS the best option.

We too often tend to hold on because it’s what we know.

Not what we need.

And right now, I am not sure I know the difference.

So with that, I leave you with this.

7 Responses to “…and counting.”

  1. Catherine June 27, 2012 at 8:12 am #

    Wow, I really needed to read this today. Thanks lovey, sometimes I think you are looking over my shoulder and giving me a pep talk. It’s almost July. xx

    • Micael Chadwick June 29, 2012 at 7:44 am #

      I seem to be good at pep talks. Now if only I could learn to listen to them.

  2. Jo-Anne Meadows June 27, 2012 at 5:21 pm #

    What a bloody great post many people have months that are hard for them to get through and sometimes being everyones shoulder is a heavy weight to carry around………….thankfully the month is all but over and hopefully July will be better the June…………

  3. Bigezbear June 28, 2012 at 9:59 am #

    You say that you have realized that you are checking out. Don’t forget that checking out is checking in to the next thing, phase, portion, whatever; and letting go is a cyclical process going on, if only in the background of our lives, all the time. I’ve known the father-confessor role intimately, and the way it has of bleeding your soul dry. I think the way to endure that is to step away and nourish yourself, replenish, in whatever way is best for you. Sometimes mindless, harmless frivolity does wonders. Play happy music, sit in the shade, skinny dip, pig out on a melting cone of ice cream. And, every now and then, and just for a tiny, tiny while, put yourself in the center of the universe before God catches you and puts you back in your place. He won’t mind. He likes his boys a little bad.

  4. jane July 8, 2012 at 10:11 am #

    Happy belated birthday, wonderful you! I am always so behind in peoples birthdays…it’s amazing I remember my own. I admire you more than you know and I can relate to how draining it can be when other people feel comfortable enough to inundate you with their woes. It’s a compliment really but draining nonetheless. Take a little time to be quiet, step back and retreat. Brilliant things come out of quiet times. Can’t wait to see what you produce in this next phase.

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