To Clarify

7 Jun

Haphazard well meaning – especially selective well meaning – is starting to work my tits.

The quote was “if it doesn’t bring you tears of joy or sadness”  OR SADNESS.  Did you miss that part because it’s not dramatic enough???

I am weeping not for joy OR sadness.

That was my point.  There’s nothing.  I have been struggling for days trying to find either.  The world is not ending.  I am not upset.  I am not about to go all Vincent and start to lob off various body parts and hand them out as unbirthday gifts.

I died a year ago.  My birthday is in a couple of weeks.  It’s a weird place to be in.  Trying to process both death and birth all in a matter of weeks.  I have spent the last year living a long, drawn out and boring death.  It’s a process to process.

I’m processing.

Blogger, I don’t think, as I said before is the place to do that.  I am growing to hate what Blogger has become more and more with each passing day.  I miss the days before the followers and the awards and the bullshit look at me antics.  I miss when it used to be a community of like minded spirits sharing a dialogue.  It’s become a joke and I just don’t care for the shitty diapered brat popularity contest it’s devolved into.

So I am processing.  Blogging has given me so much, and so many people I cherish.  I would never take that away from it – but it’s a horrible horseshit filled place of false bravado for me now.  I roll my eyes and close more blogs than I actually read or comment on anymore.

But before you send me another message or well intended and well placed bit of post, read what you are reading first.

THEN you try processing it…

Then respond.


8 Responses to “To Clarify”

  1. Mynx June 7, 2011 at 7:45 am #

    Well I am glad you aren't going to send me any body parts because they would be bloody smelly by the time they got here. Plus we may have a problem with customs.
    Just don't make me chase you for this 30 day thing you got me into. You can't bail one week in.
    Anyways, do what you have to

  2. June 7, 2011 at 7:46 am #

    I'm not bailing. I'm creating. I'm just not posting.

  3. Lemons Don't Make Lemonade June 7, 2011 at 7:52 am #

    To be honest, I kind of agree.

    You never actually know if people are commenting because THEY want you to comment back or if they actually give a shit about you.

    And I couldn't have put it better myself. I'm a tiny bit caught up in the popularity thing as well, as if followers are trophies.

    I am, however, sorry that you've been having such a shitty year – from what I gathered from your blog posts in the last few months, anyway.

  4. June 7, 2011 at 7:59 am #

    Thanks, Lemons. Maybe with the new dashboard in Blogger the followers craze will die back down. They seem to be trying to bring it back to blogging rather than look at all my toys. Your followers are no longer on the main page in your face, so maybe people's consciousness will once again return to blogging and not trying so hard to be a dancing monkey on the street corner so people will look at them.

    Time will tell, I guess.

    Thanks for the comment.

  5. Antares Cryptos June 7, 2011 at 8:46 am #

    the reason I showed up here is because you encourage people to be creative and fearless when they are.

    You've been battling a beast, doesn't come with emotional instructions. No one escapes death and you're still here.

    I don't have email enabled, but do still want to know which Strathmore journal you recommend.;)

    Not much of a “follower”, but without comments or comebacks, I can just use my writing journals. Just sayin…

    “The only way to get through hell, is to keep going” (Winston Churchill)

  6. Lovkyně June 7, 2011 at 11:50 am #

    i've been on and off hiding lately from the world of blogging, and i'm not sure i even consciously know why.

  7. Antares Cryptos June 7, 2011 at 5:19 pm #

    In case you don't check back, don't have your mail either:

    Thanks M.;)Appreciate it, comments is fine.
    Problem solved, I was asking about the visual journal, for some reason seem to remember seeing it on your bog.
    Picked it up, but the paper feels cheap, like you said.
    Agree on the Arches, also like Fabriano.
    Trying to find a small wire bound heavy weight for mixed media, but no luck. They used to make them.

  8. Raven of the Green Mountains June 7, 2011 at 9:36 pm #

    I have been reading your blogs, and admiring your artwork for damn near 4 years now Rabbit. Your work has made me a better writer, and has forced me to take a long look into that broken mirror.

    Writing is not a popularity contest to me, and you know that. I write because if I don't my fucking head will explode. If my words manage to inspire someone, great. But, to be honest I write for me, and I know that is exactly what you do also. It is all about getting back to those basics, and not giving two cat shits about the acknowledgments that float around like turds in the toilet. 🙂

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