>"I’m writing one great song before I…"

26 Apr


Sedona, 1997
Really feeling disconnected and struggling with my mortality (or lack of) lately.  I don’t feel like I belong anywhere.  I don’t feel like I am worth a whole lot.  I don’t want to be here, but I don’t want to be anywhere else either.  Kind of like that old Soul Asylum song, Homesick:  “I’m homesick for a home I’ve never had.”
Nothing is really wrong.  I just feel like an intrusion to just about everything.  I don’t have a purpose.  I don’t have any (real world) friends left.  And I just can’t seem to make a connection with those of you online anymore. Lost perhaps.  Perhaps that is just it.
I’m lost.  And I have come to realize – and maybe begin to (try to) accept that this is as good as it gets.  I don’t know…
So I just paint and sleep.  Trying desperately to leave some fading reminder that I was here…
Lord I sound like Sylvia Plath.  Don’t worry – no cheese sandwiches or open ovens in my future.  I am not THERE.  I am just not here either.
Something like this:

15 Responses to “>"I’m writing one great song before I…"”

  1. mel April 26, 2011 at 12:10 pm #

    >oh sweet you — i never know quite whether i should leave you alone or harass you. reading this doesn't make it any clearer though…:). but know that i'm always thinking of you and hold you tightly in my heart….xoxoxo

  2. mel April 26, 2011 at 12:10 pm #

    >sheeee-it…. the whole thing changed!!!! rofl

  3. The Empress April 26, 2011 at 2:39 pm #

    >Hey love, You leave a beautiful mark on the hearts and minds of us all every single day. And don't you ever forget that. You are loved, appreciated and admired.I know I am shitty with the email thing but please know that there are many people there for you, myself included. Have a fantabulous day!! xo

  4. Lolamouse April 26, 2011 at 2:47 pm #

    >Michel,I could try to convince you that you HAVE made a world of difference to many people, including myself. Because of you, I took the leap of faith and began writing again after almost 30 years of quiet. As I wrote more, I became more emotionally open with myself and with others. I don't even know how to begin to thank you for the inspiration and support you've given me. I'm sure others feel the same. We've all said it before, but for some reason, you can't hear it or believe it or feel it. I don't know if you're being treated for depression (yeah, I know you have a right to be depressed) or if you have an objective ear to talk things thru with, but it might help. I so wish you felt more connected with someone, anyone, because feeling isolated makes everything harder. Just say you know, I keep a little rabbit with wings hanging in my bedroom. I look at it several times each day, think of you, and smile. You have a home in my heart if that helps at all. Love ya.

  5. Jhon Baker April 26, 2011 at 2:52 pm #

    >Just because we can't have coffee and biscuts tonight does not mean that we are not – real world friends – don't discount my friendship which is offered to you in whole –

  6. David Allen Waters April 26, 2011 at 5:03 pm #

    >I think all great artist go through these stages my friend, just hold on…it will get brighter soon:) and those of us on line people who follow you adore you…I know it doesnt help right now, but its true:)hugs

  7. Lolamouse April 26, 2011 at 5:48 pm #

    >Micael,I f'ed up the spelling of your name in my previous comment, didn't I? I know how your name is spelled! My brain just doesn't always communicate correctly to my mouth or fingers when typing (i.e. I say "no 'h' to myself and type an 'h'). I call these "Topamax Moments" even tho I no longer take this med. It's long fingers still tickle my neurons from time to time. Anyway, a long ramble to apologize if I goofed, since I hate it when my name is misspelled (Sheri, not Lola, that is!)

  8. Bill April 26, 2011 at 6:06 pm #

    >I sincerely hope you find your hat soon. Unfortunately, I think many of us artist types are feeling lost lately. Thank goodness for depression medication! Great song from Rent!

  9. colenic April 26, 2011 at 8:24 pm #

    >Feeling disconnected from the place you call home is a tough place to be. there are no remedies and nothing that anyone can say that can make you feel better. I am sorry that you are feeling that way and just wanted to let you know that there is one person out here tonight that is thinking of you…BTW- this is one of the best songs when you are feeling frustrated to turn up really really loud and sing at the top of your lungs…

  10. Lovkyně April 26, 2011 at 9:46 pm #

    >i don't feel like i have anything worthwhile to comment on this post, but i've had an emo day, so i want to say something comforting. i just don't know what. however, to my left is a card (sort of) that i'm going to mail you tomorrow. i hope you get it this time, unlike the last time i tried to mail you a card-like thing. ❤

  11. Kara April 26, 2011 at 9:59 pm #

    >My heart wants to speak, but my mind can't find the words.

  12. Marlene April 26, 2011 at 11:55 pm #

    >Hugs, Micael. I can't even being to know what you're going through – but please know that I think about you often, and you're very special. (I don't mean that in a "short bus" way, either!)

  13. ॐ Rabbit April 27, 2011 at 8:43 am #

    >Thank you, everyone. I'll figure it out. I always do.I appreciate your words of support, though.Y'all are awesome.

  14. Nariane April 27, 2011 at 8:44 am #

    >I wonder Rabbit whether it's "normal" to feel like that.I know I occasionally feel that way (sometimes for months) and there is nothing "wrong" with me – no illness, no nothing.I'm well acquainted with feeling like a stranger in my own life and wondering when things will feel like they fit again. It's not so much feeling lost but feeling like I'm living someone else's life and wondering when the "big reveal" on some momentous event will be – followed by a slow realization that … nope, this is it! and if I want a momentous event I have to start planning one.If you find a way "back", lemme know I might need it too. :/

  15. The Barreness April 27, 2011 at 1:30 pm #

    >Ack!My beloved is feeling low and I've been a shitty interweb friend and haven't come by for a while.Sorry, kitten.I suspect we all stroll down this city block from time to time, possibly some of us are in mid stroll now.So n this, and in general, you are far from alone.Even if you have to commune with your fingertips.And we with our envious eyes.- B x

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