>I have lost my ability to bullshit.

8 Mar


It’s a strange place I am in lately. I just, quite simply, don’t give a fuck. The term “over it” could be the understatement of the year at this point.
I don’t want to hear about everyone’s problems and toothaches and woe is me dramas. I just really don’t care. I don’t want to care. I don’t want to pat you on the shoulder and sympathize or empathize or tell it is gonna be alright. Fuck that. It’s not. It sucks. That’s the way it is. Deal with it. Or fuck off and go whine to someone else. I have enough of my own shit to try to process to have it added to with petty, pitiful nonsense.
I don’t know where I am going my damn self. I don’t know what tomorrow holds. I don’t know if I am going to have a pot to piss in or whether I will even be well enough to do so by year’s end. I am tired of being your cheerleader. It feels false. I can give it to you. I can rah rah ’til the cows come home and make you feel like there is light at the end of the tunnel and you can walk away all roses and lollipops and Mary Fucking Sunshine and go about your day feeling better. But, I. Don’t. Want. To.
My latest painting pretty much sums it up. And it’s funny. That’s been my most successful painting for all intents and purposes. The reception was amazing. I already have a handful of prints of it sold (if I ever get off my ass), but the one or two negative comments are the ones that stick out. And, rebel brat asshole that I am, the I don’t like its just make me want to create more. Make me want to fuck it all and kill something else and slap it up on a canvas. THAT energy is what spurns me on right now. Kill it all…
So if I dont’ pat your back or stroke your ego, try not to cry. I am not trying to be mean. I am just being honest. I really don’t give a fuck right now.
Nice night for it. Hope you win.


9 Responses to “>I have lost my ability to bullshit.”

  1. Lovkyně March 8, 2011 at 12:05 pm #

    ><3 ah, such an honest creature

  2. David Allen Waters March 8, 2011 at 12:47 pm #

    >bravo for your honesty…most hide behind a fake smile…at least you keep it real.hugs

  3. mel March 8, 2011 at 12:49 pm #

    >not altogether a bad spot to be in…methinks.xxoxooxox

  4. nene March 8, 2011 at 12:55 pm #

    >Your voice keeps me grounded to reality. It could be very easy for me to begin my day of writing in a cloud of dreamland, of nicities and wishfulness and self indulgence, not that that in itself should be disdained, but one must keep the reality of life in the rest the world in perspective and you do that for some of us. Thanks.

  5. Jotter March 8, 2011 at 1:28 pm #

    >Being true to yourself is the best place to be. It shows in your art of late. This piece moves me.

  6. Jhon Baker March 8, 2011 at 4:54 pm #

    >losing the ability to BS is a great thing – it also weeds out the disingenuous friends. my favorite is to tell old friends that they are not interesting enough to have not figured things in their life yet.

  7. becca March 8, 2011 at 5:32 pm #

    ><3 always honest and straight forward love you for it

  8. . March 8, 2011 at 8:38 pm #

    >Perhaps you speak of me here? If so , I am very sorry.. My suzy sunshine is as fake as it comes for if i don't put on the fake smile, the grief will swallow me whole. i'm sorry Michael..if this is about me.. I am truly sorry

  9. Nubian March 8, 2011 at 10:17 pm #

    >I don't like this blog post today. Not going to bullshit you either.

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