>I. Am. Tired.

1 Mar

>

I am so fucking tired I don’t even know where to begin. Or end.  I am tired of all the fucking drama.  Every day it’s something new. I am tired of the herd of heathen dogs that do nothing but make more messes for me me to clean up. I am tired of the bickering. I am tired of worrying about medical bills I can’t pay. I am tired of worrying if I can even make my doctor’s appointments this month because I have no insurance and don’t know what going to happen.  I am tired of being afraid that if I don’t make these appointments my disability is going to be yanked out from under me and I have nothing at ALL to live on. I am tired of my teeth hurting so bad I can’t see straight most days and listening to everyone else piss and moan about their little bumps and bruises. I am tired of waking up in pain every single day that rolls. I am tired of living edited for fear of pissing someone off and making matters worse than they already stay. I am tired of being tired.  I am tired of the always ache from the stress of the stress.
I am just tired. 
Days like this I wish this fucking disease would just hurry up and be done with it so I could quit being so fucking tired.
But then, I worry about Winston and what would happen to him once I am gone.  So I instead I just stay tired.  
And no, for the record, I am not suicidal.  I am just fucking exhausted. I’ve fought all my life.  Now, the fight is just not in me.
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14 Responses to “>I. Am. Tired.”

  1. Nariane March 1, 2011 at 1:02 pm #

    >Oh sweetheart…I wish that there was something I could say to make it all better.I wish there was a wand I could waveI wish you more. More energy. More money. More joy.

  2. Vinny C March 1, 2011 at 1:40 pm #

    >When life gets difficult I usually just take a step back & go do something fun that takes me away from my grind. But that's how I deal with my problems. I can't even imagine what you go through. I wish I had some real advice to give you or something that I could say to help. Hope you feel better, man.

  3. Marlene March 1, 2011 at 2:04 pm #

    >I'm so sorry. All I can offer is a virtual hug. Sounds like such a pittance…wish I could do more.

  4. David Allen Waters March 1, 2011 at 2:18 pm #

    >even fighters need a day to let go…hugs friend.

  5. Lolamouse March 1, 2011 at 2:42 pm #

    >I am so sorry you are in such physical and emotional pain. I can't even imagine what it must be like. Thank you for letting us know you're not suicidal. We mothering types worry, you know. I wish there were something I could do to help. I'm here to listen, always. I do understand about Winston, as I have 2 dogs myself. Perhaps you would feel more mentally at ease if you found him a guardian "in case," and put it in writing. Sending love and hugs your way sweetie.

  6. Jhon Baker March 1, 2011 at 6:02 pm #

    >This is okay – it's okay for us to sit out the fight now and again – it doesn't make you suicidal – it makes you sane.

  7. Lynne H. March 1, 2011 at 8:08 pm #

    >I have enogh strength for you.. here, take some of mine.. I gladly give to you sweet friend!

  8. ~L March 1, 2011 at 11:44 pm #

    >lay in the cool grass and let the sunshine's warmth hold you…peace friend.

  9. The Absence of Alternatives March 2, 2011 at 1:12 am #

    >Not sure this helps at all, just want to let you know I am here. Listening.

  10. The Empress March 2, 2011 at 6:58 am #

    >Please know that I and no doubt many others are still fighting the fight for you. While I can't begin to imagine how exhausting it must be for you, I'm still thinking of you and sending positive thoughts and prayers your way. xo

  11. Georgina Dollface March 2, 2011 at 10:22 am #

    >I'm here for you, even if all I can do is let you know that I am listening and that I care about you. – G

  12. Laynee March 2, 2011 at 10:52 am #

    >If I could make it all go away brother I would. You don't have to worry bout Mr. Winston. I'd take care of him and you know it. He's a sweet cuddle bug. My heart hurts for you. I'm sorry that you have to go through all of this. Know that I am always here for you whether you want to just rant or cry on my shoulder(might be kinda hard since you're a foot taller than me). Be strong brother mine. I love you so much.

  13. Peevie Juice March 2, 2011 at 2:07 pm #

    >I don't know what disease it is and I have started following you only a while back. So I will have to check your archives if you have left nay information regarding it.Anyhow, I love the way you blog. Simple. And I love your art.

  14. Pam Tucker March 2, 2011 at 10:49 pm #

    >I wish SO much for you…know that I'm here for you. Always. XOXO

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