>Go Directly to Jail… Do Not Pass Go…

27 Oct

>[This is previously written filler fodder whilst I wrangle through this blogger’s/writer’s block. It’s an interesting reflection – and one that I an uncertain if I still feel this way or not. Originally published at Redhead Dancing, October 11, 2008.]

A year later… One year ago today I was walking into my jail cell. I had actually been at the jail for two days – but spent the first 48 hours in a holding cell with a sea of what one might call humanity and a broken toilet. It was pretty slick of the jailers, actually – because by the time you actually got OUT of there and into your actual cell, you were so thankful just to be in someplace new. The crappy metal bed was such a relief after being on the hard floor or sleeping standing up that it made you very gracious for your new surroundings.

I remember the days leading up to my incarceration everyone kept telling me not to worry. It was all going to be okay. I wouldn’t really go to jail. But some part of me knew such was not the case. In my soul I knew I would. I really think it freaked everyone else out more than me. At some level I had already accepted it and made as much peace as I could with the whole idea.
And then – there I was. Locked up. And, truth be told, I didn’t mind it. Worst part of it was the constant racket and lights on all the damn time – but other than that, no biggie. I fell into the routine so quickly. I went to “work.” I did my job. It was a routine. I knew what to expect. I knew what was expected of me. I spent my days counting the hours until my release.
Yet when that day came – I didn’t want to go home. I remember sitting there that morning at about 4 a.m. wishing – hoping – something would come up and they wouldn’t let me go. That maybe someone somewhere had screwed something up and I would have to stay longer. No such luck. Five o’clock came and my name was called and within the hour I was back on the outside. And I couldn’t have been more disappointed.
Though I wouldn’t do anything to go back (now) and it’s not my desire to be in jail – I do still visit those feelings. I am really not sure what it was that appealed to me so much. A combination of stability and routine that was so contradictory to my life as it was on the outside? A freedom from the lunacy of the people in my life? I don’t know.
I’m glad I went. I won’t go back. But I am glad I went.

15 Responses to “>Go Directly to Jail… Do Not Pass Go…”

  1. RaShelle October 27, 2010 at 12:53 am #

    >Hi – Not sure if this is a TRUE reflection or part of a story. I'm a new kid, but I've known people (close to me) who've truly felt this way as well. Three meals a day. Knowing exactly what's coming and when. A rigorous routine. There's something to be said for that. Freedom is scary. It's amazing and lovely. None of us would voluntarily trade it, but it CAN be daunting as hell. Also, it can come at a price. =D

  2. Rabbit October 27, 2010 at 12:58 am #

    >For the record, this one is fact – not fiction. I went to jail for a DUI in 2007. Fortunately no one but myself was injured, but they cracked down pretty hard on me (first and only offense, if you are curious – I no longer drive at all) and I did time for it.

  3. Nicki October 27, 2010 at 7:35 am #

    >I really enjoyed the economy of this story–I wanted more, but I think it would've taken away from the message. Though I had no idea they have people spend 48 hours in a holding cell. God, that's awful.

  4. willow October 27, 2010 at 8:15 am #

    >Intriguing experience, and I gather all for the good. Nice write, Rabbit.

  5. Marlene October 27, 2010 at 9:04 am #

    >Oh, I was looking forward to reading this piece, since we discussed it briefly yesterday…and I'm so glad you put it out here. I've never even seen the inside of a jail (except in the movies…and I'm not even sure how real that is) – but you know, I think I "get" how having a routine and being able to rely on certain things without surprised might be considered somewhat of a comfort if "life on the outside" has been more fraught with thorns than roses. Great piece of writing – regardless of whether your feelings NOW are different from what they were then. Oh, and for what it's worth, I'm glad you'd rather not go back. 😉

  6. Marlene October 27, 2010 at 9:05 am #

    >Oops – SURPRISES (not surprised)….fingers flying faster than the two brain cells I have left

  7. becca October 27, 2010 at 9:34 am #

    >well i've never been to jail but i have spent 6months in a hospital and i know that when the time came to leave i kind of panic. i got so use to the routine of my day that going home to my own house seemed unfamiliar to me so i kind of get it sort of.

  8. Jhon Baker October 27, 2010 at 12:06 pm #

    >Everyone should spend some time in prison. Maybe just a jail but it would do them good. A rite of passage would be first waiting tables, then garbage collecting, a little time in jail, followed by retail service.

  9. Toni October 27, 2010 at 12:37 pm #

    >I've never been to jail but I can totally understand this. I think I'd probably be the same way. On some level, I would love to have all of my life decisions made for me – have a routine that I had to follow. Not that I actually want to go to jail or anything. But I can see how I'd be reluctant to go back to the "real world". I loved this post, by the way. I always love your blunt honesty.

  10. mice_aliling October 27, 2010 at 8:22 pm #

    >Like what the others previously said, I have not gone to jail either. I've been inside prison for Social Science class when I was in the university and had minor interaction with them. I am also not a licensed driver. An accident some 8 years ago (not my fault and no one hurt) scared and scarred me for 3 years. I am still mustering up the guts to try driving again.I'm glad nobody's hurt during this episode in your life.

  11. Vencora October 27, 2010 at 8:56 pm #

    >amazing reflection. odd how so many of the people i enjoy talking to have spent time in jail. *shrug*

  12. Mrs. Hyde October 27, 2010 at 9:50 pm #

    >I've only been to jail as a visitor, too many times than I'd like to admit. But with four kids, no job, a husband who's hardly ever home for picking up the slack, and bills piling up to my eyebrows, I'm thinking jail would be a welcomed break right about now.Thanks for sharing, honey!

  13. Pat Tillett October 29, 2010 at 1:37 am #

    >first off, this is some very good writing. Excellent writing actually…I think you hit it right on the head with your closing remark about stability and routine. you were living the life, but it had to be totally chaotic for you. after a while that kind of living takes it toll. While you were in jail you finally had a chance to relax, sleep, and take a breath… seems like I've discussed this exact subject back in the day, while in therapy

  14. gayle October 29, 2010 at 7:52 am #

    >An old friend:) of mine when to jail for a week for a DUI……He felt the same way….didn't express it like you have but I just know he felt the same way and I do understand why!

  15. Laugh. It's Life in Progress October 29, 2010 at 9:37 am #

    >I've been a recent frequent visitor sadly, and this is expressed by many that I know and have known in the past. Thank you for sharing Rabbit

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