>The Box is Empty

26 Oct


All I was saying earlier is that I don’t know that I have much to blog about anymore.  Once upon a time, I had stories; I had adventures.  I had something to say – or at least something to tell about.  These days, I haven’t anywhere to go or the means to get there if I did.  I haven’t anything to witness and embellish.  I have memories and stories of dog shit on the floor again and cooking and cleaning and laundry.  I have become the bitter housewife I never wanted to be.  And quite frankly, I suck at that too.  So I was just musings as to where the fuck is left for this blog to go…?  All I seem to do anymore is ramble and bitch and complain.  It gets old.  It gets old on my end.  I can only imagine what the receiving end is like.  
I would just like to somehow have a life back.  Any life.  Even some fucked up vague modicum of a life.  Ever since I began taking all these damned pills that were supposed to make everything better, it is like my life has been robbed from me.  I can not recall one, single, solitary “good day” since I began this regimen.  I was doing better – emotionally, physically – without this shit.  I see no marked improvement.  Quite to the contrary.  I keep thinking that this will pass and I will adjust to the treatment and even out, but months later it is not happening.  I just don’t want my legacy to become relegated to being that bitchy faggot with AIDS that gripes all the time.  And that is swiftly what it feels like I – and this blog – are becoming.
(Did you know “faggot” is not recognized as a word by Spell Check?  How funny.)
Anyway…  Someone in the comments asked why don’t I use the blog as a forum for my novel for NaNoWriMo, and the reason being is I don’t write on the computer.  I do it all longhand and then enter it in once it is finished.  I just can’t create that way on the computer.  I don’t feel the connection.  Perhaps I will dig up one of the other four I have written in years past and post bits and pieces of those…  We’ll see.  
But I will figure out where I am going and what this blog is to be.  Somehow…
It just, at the moment, feels extremely inauthentic to me. And I am not liking that one bit…

14 Responses to “>The Box is Empty”

  1. Uninspired Blogger October 26, 2010 at 11:37 am #

    >don't be too hard on yourself. Sometimes you really just need to bitch and sometimes there really isn't much happening in life that's worth mentioning. Just keep writing so you don't lose your momentum.Good luck.

  2. Nubian October 26, 2010 at 11:53 am #

    >Maybe you need a vacation to Oregon ~ and then you will have LOADS to blog about. 😉

  3. Pat Tillett October 26, 2010 at 12:57 pm #

    >How about reposting some of the old posts that many of us haven't seen before? I've been thinking about doing that myself.

  4. Marlene October 26, 2010 at 1:24 pm #

    >Wish I could say more than just "HUGS" and make it feel somewhat better…but of course, I can't even imagine what you must feel. :(I totally love Pat's suggestion, though. I haven't read any of your old stories, being as I'm pretty new here (what, 2-3 months?) I know this is awfully intrusive of me….and just tell me to go to hell if you want…but I've always wondered what it must have felt like to be given your diagnosis. I mean, I'm sure I have a clue – but what came first? Shock? Outrage? Satisfaction of having an answer for why you were feeling horrible? Or maybe you weren't feeling horrible at all before you found out? I know….intrusive. I'll shut up now. I don't even really know you, but I feel like I really care about what happens to you.

  5. The Empress October 26, 2010 at 1:42 pm #

    >Sorry to hear you are feeling uninspired lately. But I must say for someone that feels like they have lost their blogging mojo, you certainly produce some beautiful writing. I think your readers respond to the randomness of your posts as well as the heartfelt and raw emotions that come through in your writing. Not to mention the fact that you are bloody frickin hilarious!I look forward to reading your blog each and every day and while it may seem selfish on my part, I hope that you will continue to indulge me with your rabbity goodness.xoxoxoxo

  6. Mrs. Hyde October 26, 2010 at 2:59 pm #

    >You could fill up the whole blog with nothing but those 100 word dealies and I'd be checking this bitch everyday like I'm expecting a fucking check.

  7. Lynne H. October 26, 2010 at 3:14 pm #

    >I for one would love to read your old posts.. us newbies here are in the dark.. Come on… you can do it.. purty-pleeze

  8. becca October 26, 2010 at 3:41 pm #

    >hey hun don't be so hard on yourself i know how u feel about being trapped in your house and having to wait on people to take you places and then not really knowiing where you want to go. it's really hard. i would love to say it gets better or some great wisdom of words but the truth is life as we know it sucks and you can only hope that some days suck less then others. just know i for one look forward to your post even if it is just ranting about the laundry they somehow make me smile even on a bad day. hugs 🙂

  9. Caren Gittleman October 26, 2010 at 4:21 pm #

    >I also would love to see some of your old posts since you and I just met less than a month ago (or so)Maybe you just need a break, but I can tell you that none of us are tired of reading your blog.Hell I am in nearly every day too since I don't have a job….I am not sick (well not in the TRADITIONAL WAY lol)…….it is times like these that we need to hear you more than you know.We all have our moments and we care about yours!

  10. Toni October 26, 2010 at 4:53 pm #

    >Rabbit, seriously, you can write about anyhting and I will read it like a ravenous dog devouring bloody meat! I understand where you are coming from because you are such a brilliant writer and you want to really put that creativity you have out there in a way only Rabbit can do. One thing I know for sure is that you will when the time is right. You will ponder, you will cuss, you will stare at that piece of paper with pen in hand…and then it will just come. All those perfect words and feelings will spill out and you will say, "Where in pink tranny hell was that hiding?" and we will all applause and throw our panties on the stage. I know all this because I know you and love you. So…no worries about this empty box (you will need something to put all those panties in). Love you!

  11. Mynx October 26, 2010 at 5:08 pm #

    >From one whos entire blog is made up of stories of cooking cleaning and laundry, I agree with the others who have suggested recycling some of your favourite stories/posts while you are feeling a bit empty. Perhaps even rereading them will inspire another story. I look forward to seeing you work your way out of this funk. Oh and don't make me use my "Mean mother voice" to tell you to stop wallowing now 🙂

  12. holly October 26, 2010 at 7:29 pm #

    >The more I read your writing, the more I can relate. I also feel like the bitter housewife I never wanted to become. Just tonight I screamed at my husband for buying airlines tickets that required me spending an extra day with my family over Christmas. Who is this monster? Oh, and I also only write with a pen and paper the old fashioned way for everything except blogs. It's authentic that way and I love to cross shit out.

  13. Kaylen October 27, 2010 at 1:21 am #

    >I don't have the title of "bitchy faggot with AIDS" and I whine all the time and have a boring life/blog. At least you have an excuse! :)Sometimes it's really okay to read someones non-stop whiny blog (which I don't think you have) if for nothing else than to make me feel like I'm not alone in feeling the need to bitch and moan a lot. Thanks for keeping ME company!

  14. Laugh. It's Life in Progress October 28, 2010 at 9:51 am #

    >Honestly love, I think you have a LOT more to say… but it's just not what needs to be said at the moment. I'm one of the avid readers…and even when you're down we still come and read your words, and feel the connection because of what you write and how it makes us FEEL! You inspire more people then you may know just by writing what you feel. Some of us haven't found the courage (if you want to call it that) to just spit out whatever human emotion is there to be felt, heard, dealt with…or just whined about at times. You inspire me. *hugs*

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