>Things that make me go…

21 Sep


Glade is running some commercial lately for some house stinker-upper with “the scent of water.” What the fuck? More specifically, WHAT THE FUCK does water smell like exactly? When I think of odiferous water, I think of the water back in New Orleans. When you turned on the tap you had to wrestle that shit down, stab it in the left pussy (because the right one had teeth and would take off an arm), feed it a small child (through the aforementioned toothed right pussy) and chew really fast if you were to get a drink. I think Glade needs to rethink their “scent of water” bullshit marketing.  That scares the fuck out me. Makes me want to run away with my butt puckered like I was runnin’ from a naked fat man with a hair dickie and bacne. No thank you.  How bout the lazy bitches they’re sellin’ to just get off their chunky asses, step slowly (well, quickly) away from the deep-fried Snickers  and clean their nasty ass house instead???
And speaking of foul smelling scariness…  Whorina Aguliera is coming out with yet another of her own perfumes. What the fuck? WHO the fuck (rather) would want to smell like that?  Eau du Dirrrrty Twat, Sweat Titty and Jheri Curl?  I guess the tagline could be Stank like a Skank!  Scary thing is, you know that shit will sell.  So if you are sittin’ on the bus and smell a day ol’ Tuna sammich with a little dirty ass spread and aint nobody eatin’ – you have just had the pleasure.  Muco thanks your trampy pop princess. (And yes, I know that is the incorrect photo but if I had to hunt through anymore pictures of her to find the current one, the dogs were all going to be wearing authentic vomit shawls.)
There’s more but suddenly I feel the need to take a boiling hot shower in Lava soap and rinse my mouth out with Clorox. 
And I didn’t even get paid.
Oh and p.s. – Don’t for get to enter to win FREE HEAD!

11 Responses to “>Things that make me go…”

  1. The Ranter's Box September 21, 2010 at 12:44 pm #

    >Funny stuff! I think you should send your product review to Glade. Not sure how their marketing people would defend that one. … I'm guessing you aren't a big fan of Christina? xo The Empresshttp://rantersbox.blogspot.com

  2. Rabbit (aka Micael Chadwick) September 21, 2010 at 12:47 pm #

    >As far as caterwauling hookers go, she's alright.

  3. Nariane September 21, 2010 at 1:33 pm #

    >Scent of water?Confusing!Do they mean the swamp stank of the swamp in the woods down at the end of my road?or do they mean the mouldy algae smell the water gets in the late summer.or the dead fish smell down by the marina?Geez Guys! think these names through wouldya?

  4. Pat Tillett September 21, 2010 at 1:56 pm #

    >The good news is…products like this make for great ranting blog posts. Like this one! How about "Eau Ee Toilette?" It translates to "toilet water." Ain't no kind of cologne I'd want anybody to be wearing, but that's what they call it in France.

  5. Marlene September 21, 2010 at 3:13 pm #

    >"Whorina Aguliera"It's a good thing I wasn't drinking anything when I read that…..my monitor would have been splashed for sure! HA!

  6. Vencora September 21, 2010 at 6:00 pm #

    >wow, what a pleasant and delightful suprise this blog was to read today! i'm laughing like a dove that just took a dump on the wedding cake. ^_^

  7. Ca88andra September 22, 2010 at 5:30 am #

    >Don't you love the people who devise marketing campaigns and create the advertising! The scent of water… yeah…

  8. The Barreness September 22, 2010 at 8:02 am #

    >Oh my…One should always demand financial reward for any activity which requires follow up scouring and disinfecting with bleach.((shiver)) Christina ((shiver))- B x

  9. The Absence of Alternatives September 22, 2010 at 1:02 pm #

    >Everybody and their whoring uncle is coming out with perfume now. Who buys perfume designed or inspired by Britney Spears? (Don't answer) I half expect it to smell like Summer's Eve…

  10. The Ranter's Box September 24, 2010 at 4:03 pm #

    >I'm bestowing you with a blog award Rabbit so please stop by my site later today to pick it up.Happy Weekend! xo The Empresshttp://rantersbox.blogspot.com

  11. Nubian September 27, 2010 at 11:04 am #

    >"Stank like a Skank" ~ your blog is what I need to banish away the blues. Sharing on my FB page.

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