WTF? | Eat the Baby, Ruth!

26 Aug
Wanna lick my Tootsie Pop, little boy?

I am aware that there are a whole mess of bags of whack out there. I am also pretty tolerant of how anyone wishes to stuff their twinkie. To each their own. I also realize there is a lot of diversity in the field of religion and again try to not pass judgement on anyone’s beliefs. If we disagree, we disagree. So be it.  But mercy me and a bag of M&Ms.  This one takes the cake. I was originally going to post another Best of Craigslist again, but I ran across this little gem of splooge this morning and couldn’t pass it up. Lemme tell ya whut this bitches cheese done slip off her cracker, hit the floor, got stepped on by Crazy Bob, smeared in the carpet, and licked up by Clifford the Big Red Dog. She is tooting her butt trumpet against the abhorent evils of Halloween.  Specifically the demons hiding in the Trick or Treat candy that has prayed over by witches.  (I slap you not!)  Partake:

During this period demons are assigned against those who participate in the rituals and festivities. These demons are automatically drawn to the fetishes that open doors for them to come into the lives of human beings. For example, most of the candy sold during this season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches.

Yeah.  That’s a big snot glob of crazy right there.  But it gets better…

I do not buy candy during the Halloween season. Curses are sent through the tricks and treats of the innocent whether they get it by going door to door or by purchasing it from the local grocery store. The demons cannot tell the difference.

I guess the comfort is in knowing that the demons are not right smart if they can’t tell the difference. Just use big words like phalange or abecedarians and maybe they’ll get confused and go possess someone else’s Swedish Fish.  And it makes more sense as to why we have the names of candies that we do…  I guess Jolly Rancher is actually the unofficial hard candy for Buttfucking in the Woods Brokeback Mountain?  Mike & Ike for Prop 8?  And I won’t even go there about Gobstoppers, Blow Pops, and Fun Dip… And what about “Almond Joy’s got nuts; Mounds don’t” ?
It doesn’t stop there, folks. Oh no!  Bonfires are also evil!

Gathering around bonfires is a common practice in pagan worship. As I remember, the bonfires that I attended during homecoming week when I was in high school were always in the fall. I am amazed at how we ignorantly participate in pagan, occult rituals.

And I don’t know about you, but I have certainly been missing out on some of the goings on at Halloween. Seems as though apples aren’t the only thing being bobbed for:

The danger of Halloween is not in the scary things we see but in the secret, wicked, cruel activities that go on behind the scenes. These activities include:

Sex with demons

Orgies between animals and humans

Animal and human sacrifices

Sacrificing babies to shed innocent blood

Rape and molestation of adults, children and babies

Revel nights

Conjuring of demons and casting of spells

Release of “time-released” curses against the innocent and the ignorant.

(“time released” curses.  Wonder if that’s similar to my time-realeased gummi multivitamins???)
Who knew.  I have definitely being going to some different parties than this hooker…  Just wanted to give y’all a heads up this year before your treats start tricking.  If your candy says boo you better drop that shit and start prayin’.  Your shit is cursed!



18 Responses to “WTF? | Eat the Baby, Ruth!”

  1. Kate August 26, 2010 at 10:25 am #

    On Halloween my preferred activities are the 'orgies between animals and humans'… Who is this crazy bitch?

    Kate x

  2. Marlene August 26, 2010 at 12:38 pm #

    Holy crapola….and I thought I was the certifiable one.

  3. Lynne August 26, 2010 at 3:50 pm #

    Just for that I'm stocking up on mini-sized snickers.. I need a orgy spell or sumtin.. now we can leave the animals out of it.
    I swear I get amazed at what walks the planet and they do it with a straight face. I mean, it would so hard notto laugh at them in their face. Oi Vey!!!

    Hey Warrior Man, Trick or treat!!!

  4. The Empress August 26, 2010 at 5:25 pm #

    You are right. That bitch is a first class wackadoodle. And how exactly is it that she can testify to such things as revel nights and sex with demons? …And yes, let's all pray regarding our shit being cursed!

  5. Toni August 26, 2010 at 5:35 pm #

    Now I know what has been wrong with me all these years…I'm possessed by Halloween candy demons. Damnit Man! I always knew there just wasn't something right with that candy corn. Reckon that bitch could point me to the nearest exorcist?

  6. August 26, 2010 at 8:52 pm #

    If it weren't for the demons in my candy, I'd have no one to talk to!

  7. The Simple Dude August 26, 2010 at 10:25 pm #

    Demon sex, animal orgies, trick or treat curses? Shit I need to check out her neighborhood.. or maybe she's been huffing a little too much 409 these days.


  8. August 26, 2010 at 10:36 pm #

    “That's the power of Pine Sol, baby!”

  9. Nydia August 26, 2010 at 10:43 pm #

    Sooo, I'll be burned.

  10. Cheeseboy August 26, 2010 at 11:40 pm #

    Well, no way I am giving up my fun sized Snickers. Even if Satan himself had manufactured it. (Which I am afraid he actually did.)

  11. mice_aliling August 27, 2010 at 1:21 am #


    By the way, I'm fancying your blog's new look 🙂

  12. Hills August 28, 2010 at 1:31 pm #

    Well f*ck me sideways with a Mars Bar, I have been missing some serious tricks in late October!

    Sex with demons???

    Imagine the positions!!!

    The passion!!!

    The flexibility!!!

    All I ever got was felt up at a bonfire.

    Or maybe it was I who did the feeling and maybe it was down. I forget.

    – B x

  13. G.D. August 28, 2010 at 5:02 pm #

    Yikes! Where do you find these people? I got to start combing craigslist more often. – G
    PS – Like the new look of the place!

  14. gayle August 29, 2010 at 5:25 pm #

    Don't know why Crazies have to turn a fun night into something bad!!

  15. Pat Tillett September 3, 2010 at 7:28 pm #

    We need crazies! Think how boring things would be without them…I can't wait for halloween

  16. peace lily September 6, 2010 at 6:39 pm #

    I just think it's hysterically FUNNY! HOW do these witches get access to said candy to curse it? Think it through, fucktard! I mean really…

    I kind of like the sex with demons thing… I bet they ROCK in the sack!! If you find out where that party is, let me know!!

    And of course candy is cursed, THAT'S why it makes me fat!! I just knew it.

  17. Laugh. It's Life in Progress October 13, 2010 at 8:50 am #

    Oh MY Rabbit! That whacked out person must have stolen my candy stash DAMN! After all the time and effort I took to curse it for the millions and set my little demons to deliver it to the hordes at schools… *rolls eyes*

    Love your posts

  18. October 13, 2010 at 9:47 am #

    All our hard work for nothing!

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