You know what chaps my left nut…?

13 Aug
…All these damned parents and their bratty ass kids. 

What ever happened to a good ol’ fashioned punch in throat for misbehavin’ like I got when I was a kid??? All this “inside voice” and “time out” bullshit when the kid is obviously demon spawn and possessed by a mule with an over active bladder and no way to relieve itself – hyperactive my ass… 

 We didn’t have inside voices when I was little. We had shut the fuck up voices. We did not have time outs. The only outs we had were those eight little words that shot terror through our squishy parts:
Do you want me to take you outside?
Trust me. You did not want to go outside.  No one was around to call the police or paramedics or the Pope for your last rites outside.  You could die on the curb for pitching a fit over a packet of Sixlets and no one would know.
So parents, smack that brat and shut it the fuck up.  Just take it outside first. No witnesses.

And no, for the record and before you get your vagina stretched all over top of your head and can’t breathe, I do NOT condone child abuse. Even if it is deserved.
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17 Responses to “You know what chaps my left nut…?”

  1. Nikke Brown August 13, 2010 at 2:41 am #

    I remember those days too.
    Now CPS gets called over you telling your kid to stfu for sneezing.
    Parents are scared to discipline their children these days, or parents are having them younger and younger and just don't give a fuck.
    I'm right there with you on this one though.
    If I see a bratty kid, I tell the kid to shut up and mind his manners.

  2. MicaelChadwick.com August 13, 2010 at 2:48 am #

    The hell with callin' CPS on the parents! Some of these little mother fuckers need to have Animal Control called on their asses to give moms a damned break.

  3. mice_aliling August 13, 2010 at 3:15 am #

    I remember being terrified of Mum when I pull up tantrums. Just one look from her I shut up, because if not, she will definitely embarrass me in front of a lot of people. And I am mortified whenever that happens.

    We got good spanking when we were kids, but we never equated it with violence.

    And I hear you about kids nowadays being devil incarnates. Parents need to remember that they are in fact the parents. They have to put their kids in their positions.

  4. Vencora August 13, 2010 at 6:35 am #

    when i first started cashiering in the great big world, i was stunned at the way some kids seemed to be talking to their parents. at first i couldn't differeniate between obvious brattiness and strong self confidence with a tendency to joke around, because i was thinking too much about “how a cashier is supposed to react” if the parent were to drop-kick the kid at the register. my mind played out a lot of strange scenarios.

  5. tulpen August 13, 2010 at 7:36 am #

    All kids are ass holes and need to be told so.

  6. Ms.Martinez August 13, 2010 at 8:24 am #

    I hear ya' and not to mention the kids who instead, beat their own parents! Imagine what it's like for the poor souls who are graced with the lovely job of providing children such as these an education!

  7. MicaelChadwick.com August 13, 2010 at 8:38 am #

    ★ Mice: My mother had “The Look” too when we got rowdy. It was our one last warning before “outside.”

    ★ Ven: I used to run a gas station and have been the unfortunate witness to many a horror in the candy aisle with the little bastards. I am sure we could compare notes.

    ★ Tulpen: So does that mean that, by default, we are all assholes?

    ★ Yesi: I applaud teachers. I couldn't do it. I'd be in jail inside a week if I had to deal.

  8. G.D. August 13, 2010 at 9:32 am #

    I'm appalled at what I see some parents letting their kids get away with in public these days. So many of them seem to have their heads in the clouds and totally obliviously to where and what their kids are doing. The end result is that those kids usually end up following me around the store because Mom and Dad are nowhere to be seen. Grrr. – G

  9. MicaelChadwick.com August 13, 2010 at 9:36 am #

    You could always kick em and run…

  10. Marlene August 13, 2010 at 10:04 am #

    Oh…a post after my own heart!!!!!! Only in my case, it's the dumbass parents I wanna karate chop in the throat most of the time! They ignore their little hellions and pretend their not theirs while they wreak their havoc! Grrrrrr.

  11. Lynne August 13, 2010 at 11:58 am #

    Too damn funny..
    My Mom's famous line was “Want me to snatch you bald headed young lady?”.. Sure Mom always wanted a wig at age 10…

    I agree with Marlene, belt the parents for not controlling their wild ass younguns.. My kids knew better..

  12. Charles August 13, 2010 at 1:30 pm #

    Okay. this post lives up the hilarity that was it's title (sorry I didn't read it last night I was busy telling someone to put baby powder on their flesh balloon).

    The premise here is good and sounds. ADD and ADHD are excuses (commonly) for parents who won't discipline their kids.

    I for one am gonna slap the shit outta my kids. I just have to find some kids to steal first.

    http://arealgoodblog.blogspot.com

  13. Pat Tillett August 13, 2010 at 1:44 pm #

    As you already know, my mom was insane. When we went in a store we walked directly behind her with out hands in our pockets…
    Touching or asking for an item resulted in a lightning quick backhand…I'm not saying the little brats I see these days should get that treatment, but…Yeah I am…

  14. Mystz August 13, 2010 at 6:42 pm #

    Lol! I hear ya! Worse still, is when I hear THEM and not see the parents shoot them a look that would kill, which in turn is why I do it when need be! 🙂 Seriously..I have and will continue to do so and in some cases, have been thanked by the parents! Kids will always behave for a stranger, especially with glowing red eyes hehehe..;-))

  15. The Empress August 15, 2010 at 1:55 am #

    So right you are Rabbit! I write about this very topic more and more often on my blog. If parents can't control the behavior of their children then they have no effing business spawning those litte shits in the first place.

    http://rantersbox.blogspot.com

  16. Hills August 15, 2010 at 12:07 pm #

    I find myself in a very VERY unusual place after reading this post – very neary speechless as a result of my adoration of both you and this blog.

    Being vehemently anti house ape myself, I am always relieved to find other pro-child slappers (you know, where necessary) and those generally not in favour of badly behaved children.

    Okay, or just children in general.

    And people who like children.

    And women who get all f*cking goggly eyes and moist whenever anyone brings a little sh*t into the office.

    Or…

    Um…never mind.

    Loving the blog. Now dutifully following and linky-ing.

    – B x

  17. Nariane August 16, 2010 at 2:07 pm #

    I had a friend try to discipline his son in a store – the sales lady gave him a good deal of grief for giving the little tykes' hand a smack. Bitch threatened to call the police.

    Soooo… he let the little dear (who was being a hideous napless terror) run amuck in the shop while they were waiting for the mother-in-law to finish shopping. Wouldn't you know it! The same sale lady complained to Dad that his kid was misbehaving.

    My friend pointed out that he'd tried to discipline his son, but she'd threatened to call the police. No discipline and this is what you get lady.

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