Turn the page? Or burn the book?

16 Jun
I love change.  I always have.  Things get constant and I start to go bat-shit.  This whole mess isn’t QUITE what I had in mind, but hey, I need to learn to be more specific.  It’s weird to go from dried out Herion Head to Ever-Recovering Alcoholic to Non-Smoker to HIV Patient.  There’s always some way to label it.  
Well that bores me.  Tired of all that shit.  I am realizing that it wasn’t the medication I was taking or the fact that it was Tuesday in Wallawalla Land or any some such.  My body was just over it and said – “Hey crazy, fuckin’ Rabbit:  enough is enough!  Get on the ground!”  How I managed to get to the ambulance on the phone – have the where with all to make sense of it all enough to get them there (I NEVER know where my phone is) – and manage to get mom to Murderplex is beyond me.  It’s like my body said fuck it but my spirit said oh hell no you skinny bitch – we aint done yet.  Who knows.
I still have moments when I wish I hadn’t called.  I still have moments when I don’t know if I will ever leave this hospital.  I still have moments when I don’t know if I even want to.  And please don’t give me the world needs, loves, licks, admires, et cetera – I appreciate the sentiment and the love and the support but I am not there yet.  I think I am still pissy that I haven’t gotten to decide anything yet…  
But anyway – blogging without giveahootery here.  More to come.  And I want to become a “Blog of Note” because I am vain and tacky like that.  And you need to help me.  Who do we annoy and harrass to death til they relent and bestow me the honour of head ho?  Think about it.  Let’s make it happen.
Oh yeah, and go follow Mom’s blog so she’ll have 100 Fellow Kacklers or poo flinging monkeys will hide under your desk and thump you where it makes you sing.  Fair warning.


4 Responses to “Turn the page? Or burn the book?”

  1. Daydream Believer June 16, 2010 at 7:36 am #

    I'm on the Blog of Note thing for you like flies on poo. Do you have a Twitter account? Start hounding @Blogger. It worked for me. I'll be sure to do the same.

  2. Toni June 16, 2010 at 7:50 am #

    You are always going to get the world love, needs, licks you from me because I'm more stubborn than you and right now, I can beat you up! So HAHAHA! Na-Na-a-Boo-Boo!!! Good to see you blogging with such sass again! Must be feeling a bit better…must have something to do with the world's need for you to stick around!! Love.

  3. G.D. June 16, 2010 at 8:18 am #

    It's funny, I was thinking the same thing about BoN. Something has come over me and now I kinda, sorta wanna get it. But I'll help you get it first, if you tell me what I need to do.

    I hear what you are saying about feeling like you haven't gotten to decide yet and not wanting too much fuss. Whenever I've had a medical/surgical crisis, the first thing I wanted back was always my autonomy and freedom to make my own decisions, to have space to myself and be able to think. I wanted to make choices without having to think about what it would mean to others. While I was grateful for my family's love, devotion and committment to my recovery, sometimes I just wanted to do it all by myself.Letting go of my privacy and independence was hard and I felt like strangers were always in my business, telling me do this, don't do that, blah blah blah.

    It is really nice reading your blog again. – G

  4. ~L June 16, 2010 at 2:25 pm #

    He's baaaaack!
    No love for you from me…I may let in some poo flinging monkeys if you'd rather. 🙂
    I'm kacklyn with your mom now…sweet and talented.
    And what do I have to do to get you and G the blog of note? I can be in-your-face as needed. (I'm a nurse, ya know!)

    Rabbit, label yourself whatever you want, your life means the world to me. <3


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