Yup… I’m one of those now.

14 Jun
I really don’t know how to process any of this yet.  Since Mom announced on her blog – with only the best of intentions – that I am HIV+, it kind of took the wind out of my sails.  That – to everyone else – seems to be the focus.  To me, it’s not.  It’s the least of the whole big scare for me – which is why I had not yet mentioned it.  Now the stigma is there.
Of all the prognosis and news, the fact that I, at 6’2″, weighed in at 117 lbs. scared me.  I don’t know how I am functioning.  The kidney failure scared me.  The “I don’t know” with my lungs and talk of possible collapse scared me. TB?!?!?  I shit.
But it’s the HIV that’s the hoo ha. Granted the HIV is more than likely causing most if not all of this – but everything else is treatable and able to be fixed to some degree.  Let’s go there first.  The HIV can be managed and maintained later once we’ve gotten over the other stuff.
I guess maybe the HIV is more dramatic – more martyrdomistic…  
Now I will just wait for the mobs to light their torches and storm the walls after the AIDS spewing faggot junkie.  Better watch out though, I will pee in your eye, fuckers.  And I aim well!

8 Responses to “Yup… I’m one of those now.”

  1. joe*to*hell June 14, 2010 at 5:31 pm #

    kisses and huglets!

  2. Toni June 14, 2010 at 5:35 pm #

    There will be no storming of the mobs. You are much too loved. It doesn't matter what is going on (HIV or anything else) you just need to get better. Let ignorant people do and say what they will…those that love you know the truth. The beauty of your soul will shine through. Take care of you and practice those pissing techniques. Remember, I'm just a few states away and I know how to stomp some ass! Love you lots!

  3. Pat Tillett June 14, 2010 at 6:42 pm #

    I was browsing through my dashboard and was very happy to see that you had posted something today. Don't give another thought to what anybody else may say or do. It doesn't really matter! All you need to worry about is getting yourself healthier…take care of yourself!

  4. Jhon Baker June 14, 2010 at 9:13 pm #

    I love the notion of peeing in the eye of dissenters.

  5. G.D. June 14, 2010 at 9:29 pm #

    The mobs will have to get around me first – even though I am the same height sitting down as I am standing up. I just put a super-duper force field of butterflies and bunny rabbits around you and they all have fire extinguishers and lollipops.

    I know you have a lot to think about, but always remember that there are many people out here who care about you deeply. – G

  6. ~L June 14, 2010 at 11:33 pm #


    you have lots of time to process your thoughts…write, draw, paint, mold play-doh, catch up on your soaps 🙂
    And our job is to pray, send positive thoughts your way, and let the ignorant judge themselves into a hell-filled black hole of loneliness.

    Blogging without Givahootery!
    keep smiling love,
    peace out~L

  7. Nariane June 16, 2010 at 3:24 am #

    Thanks for being open about it.
    I care deeply … still.
    you are still the same Rabbit and we luvs ya!
    *hugging you tight and sending good vibes*

  8. Midwestern Mama Holly December 14, 2010 at 10:19 am #

    Its because of brave souls like you and countless others that talk about this dx (that) it is becoming less of a stigma. Maybe one day there will be no stigma at all.
    Blessings to you and continued health.

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