If I promise to miss you, will you go away?

2 Apr
In looking back at what is proving to become a life altering decade already, I am struck at how much I do not miss any one of those that I have known on my journey these past few years. Sure, I have fond rememberances of this instance or that, but the longing for the cast of characters therein is non-existent.
When I first realized this, it hearkened back to my cutting tendencies. Had I just cut them off and filed them away? But this, somehow, felt different. Feels different. It’s more like I have cleaned house – taken out the trash – and my world is becoming all lemony fresh and Mr. Clean clean. The vast majority of the people were – and are – Crazy Makers and Vampires and Enablers. When I ceased to allow myself to participate in their antics, it is as though they lost their footings and fell away. 
I do not miss it. 
Or them.
There are still a few Oh-No-She-Didn’ts lurking around my shadows – brandishing giant spoons to stir the shit and big wooden sticks for that poor dead horse… But even so, I now consciously try to just let them act their fool selves. I’ve become non-reactive; non-combative lately and just watch with disgusted amusement as they do their little dances of dumbfuckery. It’s not worth my time anymore. I figure if they fail to elicit a reaction from me they will eventually go find some other poor soul on Maudlin Street to play with – or terrorize, as the case may be.
It is odd though to have lived such a life as I have, full of so many personalities and have no need – no desire – no want – to reach out to a single, solitary person I have known.
Say a lot about the company I’ve kept, doesn’t it?
Maybe this time around I need to reevaluate my selection process…
Or, at the very least, be a little more selective in the selecting.

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6 Responses to “If I promise to miss you, will you go away?”

  1. B-Dub April 3, 2010 at 5:14 pm #

    I know exactly how you feel with this one- with all the moving we have done I've met quite a cast of characters. Now they are all locked out- I don't care for the reminders. The few that remain are only here cause I want them to be.

  2. sweepyjean April 3, 2010 at 11:06 pm #

    I know how you feel. I've had to clean house a time or two, weeding out those who would hold me back emotionally, spiritually, or whatever way; family members were not spared. Just as you said, when we change our patterns of behavior, other have no choice but to fall in line or fall by the wayside. I'm glad you're seeing the benefits of your metamorphosis. I applaud you; keep it up.

  3. Mainland Streel April 15, 2010 at 9:39 am #

    This feeling is familiar to me…

    I suppose it would be strange to assume that the various people we collect over the years are all suitable for the long run. Sometimes it's just time to let go and move on.

    Here's to being choosy! 🙂

  4. Midwestern Mama Holly December 14, 2010 at 10:22 am #

    Myself having quite the cast of characters and experiences in my past make me able to totally relate to this post. Ive grown and moved away from most of it, but OHH those memories!! They will indeed last a lifetime. Some tell me Ive lived quite a life…… to me, it was just my life.

  5. Pat Tillett December 14, 2010 at 9:24 pm #

    Great and thoughtful writing!
    you'e got me memory banks on overdrive. Lot's of folks come and gone…

  6. Pat Tillett December 15, 2010 at 3:04 pm #

    I just noticed that Brandi (Mainland Streel) posted on this one when it was first posted. She is one of my all-time favorites and a great person. I miss her blog…

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